What have you been up to?

This happened about six years ago.  I was in a doctors office in Logan, Utah.  An older gentleman who was into retirement age walked out of one of the examination rooms and back out into the lobby where he saw another gentleman that appeared to be somewhat the senior of him. He greeted him warmly, as you would a friend, and asked how he was doing. The man looked him steady back in the eyes, but I saw those those eyes from where I sat and something behind his solid gaze belied a fear that comes with the inability to do anything about a situation you are facing.  He said in a voice hinting of some surprise and concern, “I got old.  I got old.”

That’s how I’m starting to feel.  I’m getting old. I’m not old yet like these two gentlemen were but it’s close. On occasion I’m told I look young for my age but what does that matter when Im really old?   I don’t feel my age. Let me clarify that... my body feels every year I’ve lived but my mind doesn’t... not yet.  I feel like John Lennon must’ve felt when he sung that life is what happens when you’re busy making other plans. With all I’ve experienced in recent years I bet I’ve written 100 drafts that I’ve never posted on my blog because they always read back to me as too personal for the moment.  Over time I intend to publish them, as the content draws further and further from me. There’s not thing I can do about the past, and one day I’ll realize that “I got old.”  I working so that I can look back and, all in all, not wish I’d lived era’s of my life differently than I did.