LIVE YOUR LIFE

Live as many as you can, as well as you can. You never know if it will be your last."

Monday, November 13, 2017

Practically every single thought of mine over the last few days has been about my kids, especially the three youngest, since I saw them for the first time in a year and five months.  I could not possibly give an adequate amount of attention to all I havev felt and internalized and want to express every bit of it but that isn’t practical so allow me a few quick observations.

First, the interaction at our reunion was so very natural feeling. That’s how it was from the start.  There’s a possibility that there is more than one reason. I think most importantly it’s because we have always enjoyed an extra special relationship with both love and respect. However, I think their mom has kept me close in conversations and and knowing her as I do it was more likely than not good things. Where the thing gets fubared is was ultimately her decisions rather than my behavior that kept a child apart and no one can give us that time back. This is where I would bet she is glad she has a protective order.  In the quiet of night when she ease up on her own mental force fi has also Second, I had really felt like I had been done dirty with all this that happened and so had my kids but I had to de use what was bigger, my anger and hurt feelings or my love of my children.  I’ve seen lots of people get this one wrong in my day. I wasn’t going to get if wrong, for my kids sake, and I was to find out, for mine.  I had to let all that go, all the things that can only be classified as mean and vengeful. I had to get to s point where I was more than just ok with it.  I had to be in a place where I could discuss it and be emotionally alright with that. More than that even, I would need to be calming for the kids. People say they will do anything for their kids but they don’t really have that commitment.  I did. There’s no nice way to describe some of the things I went through and certainly no one was at fault for all of them. However, the ones I attached to mywife emotionally, I have let go. It was a process but in retrospect it feels liberating.  Last of all, some of the things that I used to think meant so much to me just doesnt anymore.  As far as my children go, it is my belief that nobody can love another as much as I love them and this is more than lip service.  My life and how I’ve lived it and the choices I’ve made say as muck.

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