Practically every single thought of mine over the last few days has been about my kids, especially the three youngest, since I saw them for the first time in a year and five months.  I could not possibly give an adequate amount of attention to all I havev felt and internalized and want to express every bit of it but that isn’t practical so allow me a few quick observations.

First, the interaction at our reunion was so very natural feeling. That’s how it was from the start.  There’s a possibility that there is more than one reason. I think most importantly it’s because we have always enjoyed an extra special relationship with both love and respect. However, I think their mom has kept me close in conversations and and knowing her as I do it was more likely than not good things. Where the thing gets fubared is was ultimately her decisions rather than my behavior that kept a child apart and no one can give us that time back. This is where I would bet she is glad she has a protective order.  In the quiet of night when she ease up on her own mental force fi has also Second, I had really felt like I had been done dirty with all this that happened and so had my kids but I had to de use what was bigger, my anger and hurt feelings or my love of my children.  I’ve seen lots of people get this one wrong in my day. I wasn’t going to get if wrong, for my kids sake, and I was to find out, for mine.  I had to let all that go, all the things that can only be classified as mean and vengeful. I had to get to s point where I was more than just ok with it.  I had to be in a place where I could discuss it and be emotionally alright with that. More than that even, I would need to be calming for the kids. People say they will do anything for their kids but they don’t really have that commitment.  I did. There’s no nice way to describe some of the things I went through and certainly no one was at fault for all of them. However, the ones I attached to mywife emotionally, I have let go. It was a process but in retrospect it feels liberating.  Last of all, some of the things that I used to think meant so much to me just doesnt anymore.  As far as my children go, it is my belief that nobody can love another as much as I love them and this is more than lip service.  My life and how I’ve lived it and the choices I’ve made say as muck.