This promises to be an interesting post.
If you didn't get here from Facebook then what is important to know is I went to jail yesterday because my wife, Jamie Morrow Johnson, called the police... on me. I should say my estranged wife. The behavior continues to get more bizarre. I sometimes wonder where our children rank in importance with her because it's not first and foremost when she pulls some of these stunts. She's clearly influenced by her boyfriend who continues to display more evidence that he doesn't give the same kind of concern for the children versus someone who is emotionally invested all the way.
I still remember when I would think of her as the most fantastic wife and mother. The things she does now makes me cock my head to the side and think I don't even know who this person is. This first email I have posted below is the initial contact email. Understand, there hadn't been any contact or communication between us since July. We've been married 16 years. I think I will post some older emails between us so you can see how things used to be in what it has been reduced to. It's really quite sad.
With all she's done I'm so over her and I wish she'd just get over me and learn how to treat me normal instead of something you still carry around with you. Word on the street is she takes me where ever she goes. I wish she'd just leave me behind but for whatever reason cannot so I guess it's no wonder her boyfriend displays such envy and jealousy issues with me. That's the only thing that would explain his behavior of trying to put things in my face that he can do with my children and I cannot. So for all the good points I'm sure he has, it doesn't keep the children from seeing him as counterfeit... an imposter may be more accurate.
One thing I'm totally comfortable with is I know I'm a good dad. I know that he's probably struggling with that because it's hard to replace something that certainly never needed to be replaced. The shoes that, in fairness, no one can fill. If you've had your dad there with you your whole life and he brings something special to your world... that's something that is irreplaceable. So you can't blame the the guy for not winning anybody over, nor can you blame him for probably not wanting me to be around because of the intimidation of it all but the fact that he's so fully immature about the situation he's incapable of handling is ALL ON HIM. His diffidence is hidden behind a Bravado that is indicative of his young age. Someday, if they do the things that are necessary to grow up... AND if they can get past their own issues they will have with each other because there's been an inappropriate relationship during a marriage... AND the understandably natural tendency to have distrust in the relationship because the way it started... pending all that maybe they'll let me out of the relationship completely. I certainly do not like being in it. Unbelievable.
The initial email.
Hello Jamie,
I don't know if you are yet willing to discuss ways that are agreeable to the both of us regarding my having a elationship with our children, but if you are I would like to have that conversion. I believe this is the venue which the court had allowed me to initiate that topic for us to talk about. I would be grateful if you would let me know your feelings on the subject.
Thank you,
Jonathan
Her reply...
Jonathan,
Yes, you're are allowed to email me in regards to visitation with our children. However, the only legal way for you too see our children at this time is through supervised visitation. The judge has ordered that. For me to allow the children too see you outside of supervised visitation would mean that I would be breaking the law. There are multiple agency's that you can go through to be supervised. Once you have chosen an agency, and scheduled it, please email me so I can arrange to have them be there. They miss you, and can't wait for you too do that.
Jamie
My reply...
Jamie,
Thank you for responding. I hope you will understand where i am coming from and the place from which I will be expressing myself as I reply. First and foremost, I am not angry or harboring ill will towards you. I'm just going to hope you believe that because it's true, and admittedly it took a lot of work inside of me to get here but it's the reality of the situation and well worth my efforts.
There are several reasons why I will not participate in supervised visitation, and feel it is in keeping with our children's best interest in mind. Admittedly, at one time, it would have been my pride that would have been the reason... but as I stood on the precipice of losing much of what I value a few months ago, that pride now means so much less to me than it did when you taunted me with supervised visits with Shane. The judge has a copy of the most thorough mental and physical examination of me and my health that I have ever undergone and Dr. Tomco's conclusion along with it that supervised visitation was unnecessary, although I doubt he ever read it. It had to have been at least 20 pages or something like that and I paid for it in an effort to try and avoid what ended up happening anyway.
Of course I am very disappointed that you have made the decision to keep that a condition in order for the children and I to have a relationship. No agency, to my knowledge, has required it. The only reason the judge did is due to your request. When you are ready for our children to have the relationship they (heart and soul) yearn for and no longer perceive that as a threat to your quality of life, then I'm sure you can get that dismissed through a written request, like anything else you have put into place. Unfortunately I've heard it can take quite an amount of time for that to happen once the ball gets rolling and if you are choosing to standby that then the children and I will just have to wait. Of course going just one mile over the speed limit is breaking the law as well but do as you think you should. It is my feeling that there is just no reason to hide behind the judge's orders as they would have never gone that way without you making that request. I've come to accept it without passing harsh judgements onto you and so I will continue as I have been, which choice I made after speaking with a family counselor. It was the closest thing my insurance would cover to a children's therapist.
I hope they have a wonderful holiday season. It breaks my heart I will not share it with them, that I will miss things like watching the Polar Express with them but that is completely not in my hands and totally in yours. Again, I am saddened by your choice and grieve even more the things I must have done that would have been an influence in your decision, although I cannot think of incidence so extreme that I did with them that would justify it.
But that is water under the bridge at this point, and based on professional advice to some extent but mostly my gut feelings and conversions with God, I will continue with the status quo and not do something like supervised visits. It will only bring more complications into their lives, and just bring on more confusion as to why dad would be any different than mom when it comes to spending time together. We will just have to wait until the appropriate time when we can enjoy each other's presence as we always had in the past.
Admittedly it is surprising (and I have been surprised to the point of shocked many times in the last few months) you find the requirement a greater need than the relationship we are not able to nurture as parent and child. I will be compliant with the court, however, and stay away. One of the most unfortunate things to change my life during this time is I find myself constantly scanning inside stores back and forth with my eyes to make sure I would see the kids before they see me if by chance we were there at the same time so I would be able to dip out and not be seen by them. May you never have to experience that. You may think you've never done anything that would be a reason that you would have to be in that situation but of course I feel the same way. I hope they know I have remained close by and am just waiting until we can reunite. That will be a very wonderful and happy time for us all. I'm sure you will notice a positive difference in them at that time, as the relationship we share is vital to a childs healthy development and self esteem. I wish you the very best this time of year as well. I really mean that. For me, what's in the past is mostly all in the past and hope you find the season to be all you want it to be.
Again, thank you for replying and when you make the decision to petition the court to remove the current restrictions to seeing them please let me know, if you would.
That ended up being a lot longer than I thought it would, but I believe it was all things that were important and on topic.
-Jonathan
One scary dude I guess.
